I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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