I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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