You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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