i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize