i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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