I just saw a hot homeless man
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
