I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
