Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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