Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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