I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
