the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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