After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
