so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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