I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
