Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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