I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
