But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did I show you my penis last night?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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