sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
