I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
