WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
