haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
