12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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