I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
