Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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