Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
