My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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