I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
