Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
