I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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