So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
