I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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