just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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