Buhtt sex?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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