told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
