Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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