My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
