we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I understand Curling. That high.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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