i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
