Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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