My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont even know how to be here
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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