Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Soap is not a condiment
My pussy is not your playground.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
