Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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