if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
