i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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