You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
