Where is the hickey?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
