My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
