Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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