im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
