she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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