True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
