Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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