Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
