my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
