Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
