We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
