Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
