Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this boner is exhausting
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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