I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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