This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
