my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
