Screwed.edu
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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