Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
