Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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