Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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