I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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