don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
