Just mADE A PArabola og urine
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
