there was a trapeze. enough said
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
